Oh, Shit.

The weekend started with hanging out with Lawyer Friday night, and all day Saturday. Friday night we were talking, and I felt this tightening in my chest. I had a mini freak-out, where I wondered why anyone ever dates at all? I mean, there are only 2 possible outcomes. Either you live happily ever after, or someone gets their face crushed. It is almost always the second. Breaking up with Doctor and putting my life back together took EVERY fiber of my being. It was an incredible effort not to sulk, etc. and instead use it as a time of great self-discovery. I am SO thankful for the experience but I really am not sure that I could go through that again. At least not anytime soon. So I freaked about putting myself out there to have my face crushed. I also freaked about the fact that I do not know where I will be in 8 months. Or where Lawyer will be. Expiration dates freak me out. I don't even want to get into it.

So, Saturday was a perfect day, complete with pumpkin picking, hot apple cider, and a drive through the country. When I hung out with Roomie later that night we talked a lot about the freak-out, since she is in a very similar situation. We agreed to just try to live day to day, and realize that we lived through our last round of face crushings, and we will live through this. We held each other's hand through it before, and we will be there for one another if it happens again. While I am in the midst of talking it out with her, I get the following texts: "by the way...I miss you" 2 minutes later..."like crazy". I realized that I am in this for real, and if my face gets crushed it gets crushed.

I had agreed to seeing Lawyer Sunday for coffee. So we walked The Cutest Dog in the World to Dunkin Donuts and then hung out at my house. We had a really serious, really awkward conversation about lots of things, mostly our exes. I so did not want to have that conversation, and part of me was freaking even more about the new information, and the other part of me felt even stronger about him. It was messed up. He said something about feelings, and not wanting to freak me out. I said nothing would freak me out and he said it "wasn't important, never mind".
Then, while we were kissing (nothing too crazy, though), he blurts it out. "I think I am in love with you, Scarlett. I didn't want to freak you out, but I have wanted to say it the last 2 or 3 times we hung out". Now, I really had been thinking it was coming. But I thought I might be making things up, since it is crazy soon to say that stuff. I managed to squeak out that I thought I was in love with him too, that it freaked me out a little that I felt that way but not that he said it.Then we just sat there and said nothing, and it was wonderful.

All that went down at approximately 5pm yesterday. Since then it has been said 4 times each. I was afraid he would flip after he said it and feel like he said it too soon and act like it didn't happen. So far, so good. I meant it when I said it back, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't in shock. He makes me so happy, and we have so much in common. I want to be around him all the time. When we hang out time flies by. I am incredibly attracted to him. But I really cannot believe that this is where we are, or where my life is right now. It has happened so quickly. I have been feeling incredibly lucky lately to have found someone like this (online, to boot) but I was not expecting to feel this way about anyone anytime soon. I guess that is how it happens.