Irrational Fears

OK I have 2 completely irrational fears. One is small dead animals (mostly birds) and the second is middle-aged women.

The bird thing is totally a phobia. I just cannot deal with them at all. Just the idea of their little stiff feathery bodies is making my skin crawl. No idea where this came from, but there is nothing I can do about it. When I come across one, my body stiffens up completely and I just look straight ahead. Either that or I jump. That used to be super awesome when I was in college. I would be walking through campus trying to look cool, and that would get shot to shit when I came across a bird carcass and jumped like a demented grasshopper. Bleah.

There's a dead bird in the tiny grassy area where I take The Cutest Dog In The World to the bathroom. Flips me out every time. I almost stepped on it two days ago, and I sent Lawyer a text saying "The dead bird has got to go. I really hope someone else's dog eats it soon." He answers with "Yeah that sucks. I would move it for you". Talk about a panty-dropper. That is romance, people. I am not joking.

The other fear is much more serious. Middle-aged women totally terrify me. Not in a vampire/ghost/monster sense, more of a "oh holy shit is that where my life is headed?!?" kind of way. This is completely bitchy of me, I am aware. It's just that whenever I see one, in a sweatshirt with some crazy shit sewn on it, hair in a scrunchy, white tube socks and a trail of children it makes me want to cry. What happened to these women? Did they used to be cool? Did they wake up one day and wonder what the hell happened to them? Do they care? It terrifies me to think that one day I could look up and realize that my children are my life, that I have let myself go and I am bitter about it, and taking it out on everyone else around me.

I developed this fear when I was a waitress my senior year of high school. They were the most demanding and the worst tippers of any other demographic. Nothing escapes their evil beady eyes. Ugh. Working in retail for the next few years after that did nothing to abate my fears. Let me tell you, working at The Gap during holiday season is the 9th circle of hell for a middle-aged woman hater like myself.

Now, let me make sure that I am clear that I do not include all middle-aged women in this category. I know quite a few cool ones. I do think it is possible not to fall into the trap, but shit I am scared.

Anyone else have irrational fears??