April!

Shit so I already missed a day of my blog-every-day-in-April goal...but only by an hour! I say that doesn't count.

So much going on, more than I can accurately write about.

I was talking to my good friend Gigi today, about the situation with Roomie. The best way to describe my feelings right now is to say that they swing all over the place. I go from missing her to the point of tears to thinking she is an immature brat that I am better off without.

She hasn't reached out at all. She has come by a few times to pick up things but doesn't acknowledge me at all. It's been a month almost. It breaks my heart. There are so many things going on in my life right now that I never imagined having to go through without her. I always thought she would be around, someone to cry to, be excited with, get opinions from. This weekend is the huge party that we always go to together. Three years, all the years she has been in school, we have gone together. It's one of my favorite nights of the year. Instead I will likely be spending it doing randomness with WS. That makes me sad.

I guess I am starting to feel the lonely set in. I know, I need to learn to be my own best friend. But it's hard. She was my last younger friend that would go out on a weeknight, or drum up crazy adventures with me. I guess I have to grow up now. I want to make new friends, but I don't know how to go about that.

I have this huge secret amazingness going on in my life right now, and I want SO BADLY to call her and fill her in. But I can't, and it breaks my heart.

OK I promise this April will not be filled with posts about my obsessiveness over my BFF break-up. I promise to come up with something better, I just needed to get that off my chest.

I had to come back and edit this. There is an Avett Brothers lyric that I keep listening to:

I have some friends
who don't know who I am
so I write quotations around the word friends
I have a couple, that have always been there for me

I sort of feel like this sums it all up for me. She accused me of not doing as much for her as she did for me, of not loving her or caring about her. Could she be any more wrong? Does she know me at all? If she did she would know that I felt the depths of her sorrow and the highs of her joys. That I worried and tried to help when she needed it. That I always wanted the best for her.

K, done now, promise :)